To My Patron God

Mister Winter, I feel you in the frost that lays on the Earth, throwing glimmering shadows. I see you in the whirling snow, feel you in the bone-chilling cold, hear you in the muffled silence snowfall brings.

The younger brother, never equal, misunderstood for centuries, I feel you in my difficult past. I feel your deep magick and even deeper wisdom. I feel you catch me every time I fall.

Awake in the fall, where the world prepares to sleep, there you are, flaming hair throwing its red, oranges, and yellows across the landscape. I see you when the aspen trees change.

I met you in a dream, standing in the moonlight on a snowy cliff over the frozen sea, and turned to see you strolling toward me.

True to your name, you play tricks. You hide my things, you poke fun at my little mortal rituals, you make a mess of my technology, but you teach me to laugh. You lighten my burden.

Loki, Frost Giant, Patron God, God of Chaos and Mischief, Flame-Haired.

I feel you.


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Just a Quick Thought…

Hello, hello, hello!

Just a quick post about something that stuck in my mind tonight.

Apparently, some people have been concerning themselves about my love life. When I heard about them talking about it, I was upset. “Really? Have they nothing better to think about?” were my first thoughts. Then I started giving them the benefit of the doubt: they were probably just concerned, and really, if it were me, I would have probably talked about that person too. That’s just human nature, and I won’t condemn people for that. People throwing stones in glass houses and all that.  The mentioned people are wonderful, accepting, kind people who I have no room to judge.

But then I really started thinking about the nature of people to talk about other people. I looked at the big picture. Suddenly, I noticed that my life really didn’t seem so shitty after all. My frustration with the situation was gone. To cure our own problems, we have to look at the bigger picture.

There are worse things going on in the world than people talking about me. It was Oscar Wilde who said, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” I just need to direct that attention to my causes and hopes for humanity.

Maybe we should all stop and think: stop thinking about ourselves, and our little problems and start thinking about the people who have much less than us. We should all stop talking about each other and start talking about the big issues, and how to help. We should look away from our own painting and at the mural. To help ourselves, we’ve got to stop fighting each other and start loving each other.

Live not for yourselves but for others.

Help the world, help people.

Look away from your problems, and instead give back to bigger problems.

Above all, love. Love all, love regardless, love just because you are human and can.


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Adam, You Did it Again

Well, Hello There!

I just wanted to respond to a new music video that has struck a chord with me. I love when artistry, no matter how simply, speaks to people, and I love getting feedback and offering my opinion on other types of art.

As most of you know, I love Adam Lambert. I noticed a few years ago he kind of took a turn down diva road and I confess that I kind of fell out with his music, not wanting to see another good singer fall down the drain like all the rest. Recently, however, I noticed that he had cleaned up again, and became the Adam I still loved. I started to listen to the music off his second album, titled “Trespassing” and I found that all the songs were a new sound from him, deeper, more human.

I connected with one song in particular while trolling the internet late one night when, as usual, I couldn’t sleep. The song was titled “Better Than I Know Myself.” I click on the link and began watching. With a title like that, my mind was hardwired to think, just for a second, “love song.” What I saw was far from the idea I had.

The video starts out in a darkened room filled with decay like animal skulls and alcohol. Adam is dressed head-to-toe in his signature “Glambert” attire and is singing the opening lyrics. He is drinking, throwing things around, screaming, and generally acting erratic. The scene changes to a another room, lighter and softer with a very natural-looking Adam singing back to his other form. The video goes on to show that both sides are supporting each other even if one is acting destructive and how they truely love each other because one can’t exist without the other.

I connected with it like this: I’m Bipolar and I totally understand the duel-sided aspect of it. I see alot of that in the media, people love duality, but most of the time if a star does a music video featuring that kind of thing, they make it where the two sides hate and fight with each other. I do relate to that feeling, sometimes it feels kind of like I have a “dark twin”, so to speak. What really stood out to me about this particular video was that the two sides of him don’t necessarily fight so much as one of them is trying to reassure the other. I liked that he was trying to support both sides of himself and let the other one know that it’s okay and that he wouldn’t leave because the other “twin” was the only person who knew him “better than I know myself.”

So many times dealing with being bipolar I found myself thinking about my darker side as something bad, something to be repressed and stuffed away somewhere. This video really showed me that I can’t do that to her. I have to acknowledge that she is a part of me just like my good side, and that they need to coexsist together for me to reach harmony. I admit that I hate my dark side sometimes, but just like the video shows, one side can’t survive without the other, and in the end, both of them is what makes up who I am.


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After My Hiatus….

Greetings Inter Webs!

I feel very regretful of the fact that I have left my blog sitting dusty and abandoned for this long (bad me, not having any time).

Meanwhile, I had been getting ready to go off to college. I am finally there after many tears and a 6 hour drive. My family has been more than supportive and I thank them forever for that. I think I may be one of the only students that doesn’t mind their mom calling almost every night 🙂

In addition to finally having a laptop that actually pulls up this blog, I have added a new chapter to my blogging. Actually, this comes from the fact that my Mass Media professor has instructed all her students to blog about their experiences while in her class. I’ll try to keep both updated in a steady fashion.
As of late, I have finally settled into university and have made it through my first week. One of the things I love about my college is the classes. Seriously. I am a Mass Communications major, and I thrill at the prospect of finally being able to study a subject I like. Another thing I love is the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want (within reason). It’s intoxicating. I have been reading The Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes and I am loving it. I now own the first and second movie (the ones made in 2009 and 2012.)

That’s my little update on my life so far 😀 Like I said, I will try to keep this updated in a timely fashion from now on.

Adios until next time!

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Hello to you all!

I just wanted to comment on my previous post about Pottermore and apologize for an error. In my post it says that Pottermore opened yesterday, which is clearly not the case. I wrote that draft a while back when Pottermore really was opened the previous day, and I forgot to change my post accordingly when I published it.

Sorry for the error once again!

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Or Yet, In Wise Old Ravenclaw…

Hello Readers!

Well, as many of you Harry Potter fans know, Pottermore opened yesterday. Along with about half the world, I signed up immediatly. Apparently I was one of the lucky ones as my acceptance email arrived about a half and hour later (Sorry to all of you who still don’t have theirs. Hang in there.)

Naturally, I was thrilled to dive into the fabulous world I had known for my entire childhood. I found it amazing that there was a new interactive way to expierience Harry Potter.

After getting past 6 chapters, and changing my browser to delete some bugs, I was ready at last to be sorted. Call me a nerd, but to Harry Potter fans this is one of the pivitol moments of Pottermore. Finally, after years of waiting, you truely get to see what House you belong in, decided by Jo’s quiz questions.

Being a lifelong fan of the series, I had already sorted myself into Slytherin House and nurtured a fantasy of Hogwarts based around that particular house. I felt very nervous as I saw the Sorting Hat appear on my screen. Nevertheless, I answered as truthfully as I could and waited.

As I stared at the blue-and-bronze banner that popped onto my computer display, I have to admit that I felt the bottom drop out of the world. My mother said I physically jumped. Of course I did, I never in a million years expected to wind up in any House but Slytherin. It may sound totally ridiculous, but it was a real kick to the childhood to see the Ravenclaw emblem staring me in the face.

For the rest of the night, I was a mess (stupid, but HP fans will understand). How? How could I be a Ravenclaw? I went through all the denial, anger, and depression that any docter can confirm as being an identity crisis. But then something else happened, after all the mixed emotions came something I never thought I would feel: acceptance.

Dramatic, I know, but Harry Potter was my childhood after all. I just came to realize that even though I was in the “wrong” house, I couldn’t just brush that quiz off as some stupid thing some fan created; it was made by Queen Rowling herself. And if she thinks I should be in Ravenclaw, who was I to judge? After I read the House description, I couldn’t deny that I fit it perfectly.

So now, I cast off my green and reach for my blue, fully embracing my new identity, and moving on with my life. Moral of the story: sometimes something that shakes us to our core leaves some good behind as well.


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Change of Scenery

Hello to the Blogosphere!

I want to offer my apologies for not posting in a while. I have been keeping occupied filling out/turning in things for college. As some of you know, (my family/friends who read this blog), I will be attending Colorado Mesa University in the fall.

Speaking of the University, and Grand Junction itself, I was looking at the town and what there is to do there. I kept reading about how it is a boring small town and there is nothing for college kids to do there. I felt disheartened until I began looking around myself. I found instead that there are a lot of things to do there, especially if you are young.

Coming from a town of about 3,000 people (and going to high school in a town of about 930), I was amazed by just how much the town of Grand Junction had to offer. Not only does it have a college, high school, elementary, and a million different places to eat, but it has an actual theater (the one in my home-town is pathetic) and it has a mall….a mall, for Christ’s sake!

Sure, it may not seem like much to someone coming from a large town or city, but to me, it was more than I bargained for. I had to laugh at myself; cultured though I am, my “small-town girl” gets the better of me sometimes. I mean, I was raised in a place that has more dirt roads than paved, no mall, no Wal-Mart, no theater, one high school, and 3 stop lights…and that’s nothing compared to the town I go to school in; that place has no stop lights, two paved roads, no theater, one school, 930 people, two bars, 3 churches, and wildlife that roam the streets.
Therefore, the town of Grand Junction, home to a mall, a college, a high school, and 58, 000 people will make a wonderful change.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not uncultured. I came to my town with one goal in mind: to be the exact opposite of everyone else. Since the majority of people here are Christian, meat-eating, gun-toting, intolerant (for the most part), athletic farmers, you can imagine what I turned out to be: Pagan, vegetarian, libertarian, open-minded, creative/academic, artist nerdy kid.
I do have friends (mostly outcasts like me), but when half the town is actively disapproving everything you do, and the other half only talk to you because they want dirt on a rumor they heard about you, you kinda grow up to dislike them. (Though I suppose everyone hates the town they grow up in; that’s why people move.)

Aside from complaining about my hometown, I really think that college will be good for me. I think it will give me a much-needed taste of influence, culture, and ideas that aren’t polluted by small-town mindsets.

I’m currently looking forward to a change of scenery. 🙂

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